[Malgon]

Ja nie napisalam ze mozna zerwac umowe po miesiacu. To sie nie zdaza w zadnej sieci.
Z tego co pan powiedzial po 6 miesiacach na pewno mozna obnizyc abonament na nizszy jesli dany nie bedzie odpowiadal i rozumiem ze zrezygnowac tez …
Dzisiaj powinien dojsc juz telefon z warunkami to sprawdze dokladniej.

[Malgon]

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3.Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Office r! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That’s how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee .Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn’t respond with,"Gee Officer your
eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

[Malgon]

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams. "Oh
my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She’s just having her head drilled to fit
the halo."
"I can’t do this," says the old lady, "I’m going to hell."
"You can’t go there, "says St. Peter. "You’ll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I’ve already got the holes for that!

[Malgon]

Witam

ja dzisiaj wlasnie zgodzilam sie na jeden kontakt telefonicznie (ku wielkiemu niezadowoleniu mojego meza ale trudno) i absolutnie zadnych danych konta sie nie podaje. Oni omawiaja z Toba rozne abonamenty proponuja najlepszy dla Ciebie.
Np Ja doladowywalam L15/m-c to zaproponowali mi w Orange 2 abonamenty
L15 /miesiac : 75min (na wszystkie sieci) + 75 textow i 1 "magic" (niestety Orange) numer, za rozmowy z ktorym sciagaja ci tylko minute za kazdym razem jak wygadasz godzine 🙂

Lub L25 (placisz po 25 ale przez pol roku tak naprawde kosztuje cie to 15 bo 14 dni po wyslaniu telefonu dostajesz czek na L60 z powrotem).
Tu minut 150, 200 smsow i takze 1 "magic" numer. Telefony podobno wartosci do L300. Mi do tego abonamentu (25) maja wyslac Samsung Motorolla X700. Pan powiedzial ze jesli tel sie nie spodoba to mozna go odeslac i dadza inny tez bezplatnie oczywiscie.

Jeszcze nie wiem czy dobrze zrobilam…

Jakby co umowe (najkrotsza w Orange to 18mies.) mozna zerwac placac jedyne L25.

[Malgon]

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy
"Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are
therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

[Malgon]

Bank chyba jednak wiecej zyska jak nie splacisz w dwoch ratach 🙂

A limity ustalaja od wysokosci dochodu, system sprawdza czy wplaty sa regularne, jak dlugo zatrudnieni jestescie w jednym miejscu, jedno miejsce zamieszkania, czy byly jakies podwyzki itp. Takie ogolnie stabilne, unormowane, regularne zycie. Wobec tego smialo mozna odrazu dostac powyzej 3,500.

Oczywiscie oplaca sie miec i uzywac karte przed wzieciam hipoteki na dom. Zdolnosc kredytowa automatycznie wzrasta jak widza ze juz miales kredyt i zostal/jest on splacany regularnie.

[Malgon]

Rowniez mam takowa i polecam.

Przy stalych dochodach bardzo chetnie daja karty kredytowe. Dostalam ja i moj maz z jednego laczonego konta. Mozna miec nawet spory kredyt i w odroznieniu od innych kont kredytowych nie musisz sie stresowac ze splata calosci jak najszybciej. Bank wyznacza minimalna stawke co miesiac (okolo 5% calego pobranego kredytu ale nie mniej niz £4.50), a od reszty faktycznie nalicza stosunkowo nieduze odsetki – w praktyce wychodzi okolo £3 od kazdych £100 kredytu.

Polecam.
Mam nadzieje ze cos pomoglam.

[Malgon]

Daddy Calling Home
((RING))))
((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle
Paul"

"Oh yes I do and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

** Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then, .this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on
the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door,and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy"
"And what happened honey?" he asked
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug,hit her head on
the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I
guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He
hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead"

**Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??"… Is this 486-5731??

[Malgon]

There were two nuns…

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL:It’s logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It’s not working.

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn’t follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn’t it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

[Malgon]

Three Brazilian Soldiers

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the US President this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

All of the colour ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld,

"Just exactly how many million are there in a brazillion ?"

🙂

[Malgon]

During an adult’s english class, the teacher says to
the students:
"Now, you have to make a sentence which contains the three words "green, pink and yellow" .

The Italian was the faster:
"I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun and the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The Spanish was next:
"I wake up in the morning. I eat a yellow banana, a green avocado and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."

Last (and lost!) was the French:
"I wake up in ze morning, I hear ze phone "green…green…", I pink up ze phone and I say "Yellow?". .

[Malgon]

I was a very happy person.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me …
it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was
near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be
deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock,
and couldn’t say a word. She said, "I’m going upstairs to my bedroom,
andif you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When
she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the
stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight
towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law huggedme
and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test…we
couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car…

🙂

[Malgon]

Witam

Jestem profesjonalną nauczycielką języka angielskiego z ponad 5-cio letnim doświadczeniem – pracowałam przez ponad 3 lata w polskim gimnazjum i liceum, ponadto nauczałam prywatnie dzieci i dorosłych.
Obecnie oferuję zajęcia w Leeds – dopasowane do wymagań ucznia:
gramatyka / słownictwo / wymowa / ćwiczenia wszystkich sprawności językowych (pisanie, mówienie, czytanie, słuchanie).
Zapewniam materialy, testy, cwiczenia, etc.

Pozdrawiam

Gosia

gosiatobolska@wp.pl

[Malgon]

Czesc

I have e-mailed you and am willing to teach you Polish.
I agree that the best person to teach is a native speaker (as with any language really) and I happen to be a qualified teacher too 🙂
I was actually looking for some students as I have just finished teaching Polish to one English guy. Anyone else interested, let me know.

[Malgon]

Czesc

I have e-mailed you and am willing to teach you Polish.
I agree that the best person to teach is a native speaker (as with any language really) and I happen to be a qualified teacher too 🙂
I was actually looking for some students as I have just finished teaching Polish to one English guy. Anyone else interested, let me know.

[Autor]

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