just a joke :)

[MK]

One day, about a month ago, the president was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge – a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States… How much would it cost me to spend some time with you? The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."

To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied, "One hundred dollars."

He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes… get my panties as low as my wages… get that thing of yours as hard as the times… keep it as high as the gas prices… keep me warmer than my apartment… and… screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President, it ain’t gonna cost you a cent."

[jackyl]

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MK wrote:

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway in Germany. A man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and sks, "What’s going on?" The man tells him, "Terrorists have kidnapped three England fans for a 10 million euro ransom or they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
The man replies, "About two gallons…"

to juz lepsza byla polska wersja polityczna 🙂

[Brisse]

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?" – The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

[HardcoR]

A husband comes home and says to his wife "we’ve tried 69 lets try 68" She says, "What’s that?"
He says, " you blow me and I’ll owe you one."

😆 😆

[Brisse]

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result.

On his way home he pops into the newsagent and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the newsagent "I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35" was the reply.

"I’m actually 47 years old" the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into the Fish & Chip shop to celebrate. Before leaving, he asks the same question, to which the reply is "Oh, you look about 29" This makes him feel really good.

Whilst standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your trousers and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."

Being as there was nobody around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his trousers.

Ten minutes later the old lady says "You are 47 years old."

Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you in the Chip shop"
😆

[Marta Klecz]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living
room talking about many things. The idea of a living
will came up and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent
on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If I ever
come to that just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

Bitch…

[Marta Klecz]

Blonde GUY Joke!
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage if I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, "If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much."
(Oh, this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,
"Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch."

[Baggins]

man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

œThis is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

œWell, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to Come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married."

œOh … I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t You find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head.

"No……………..

>>

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>> ………..

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>> ………….

>>

>>

>>

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>>>

>>

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>> …………..

>>

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>> ……….. They’re all at the funeral."

[girkit]

Two polish gipsies come to a recruitment agency in leeds and start to struggle in polish :

'chcemy pracować , rozmawiać z marta klacz ’

[Marta Klecz]

BRAVO 😯
😆

[Marta Klecz]

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00……on one condition." (There are always conditions.) Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
(Controlling huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said….

"Clean my house." 8)

[olszak]

good one 😀

[Anonim]

-How to make pool table laugh?

-tickle his balls

[Marta Klecz]

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I’ll miss you…"

HAHAHA
😆
😉

[Marta Klecz]

He said – Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said – That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart.
😛

[Autor]

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