Strona główna Działy English Zone Opinion about british hotel..

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  • #16829

    I’ve discovered in my two-week tour of Britain’s pretty bits, we may have lovely scenery, excellent cream teas and wonderful beaches. But our hotels make the average Moroccan jail look clean and comfortable.
    The room I slept in last night was hysterically bad.

    The bed cannot possibly have cost more than 85 pence and couldn’t have been more uncomfortable if it had been made from barbed wire.

    At about four in the morning I climbed out of it and tried to sleep standing up.

    The pillows were like postage stamps, it was hotter than Alec Guinness’s box, the bathroom smelled like it had been used to test chemical weapons, the soap rotted my groin and the television only showed pictures from inside a black and white beehive.

    This is normal. Last week, I was charged Ł140 for a room and was then woken at 6.30 in the morning by staff holding what sounded like the vacuum cleaner grand prix in the corridor.

    And the drivers were obviously awarded extra points each time they crashed, noisily, into a skirting board.

    Alarm calls? It is standard practice in all British hotels to mark your request in a little book. And then, as soon as your back is turned, put the book in the bin.

    You also get tea and coffee-making facilities. Except you don’t. It’s a kettle that the previous occupant has p****d in and several sachets full of stuff rejected by America’s nerve gas agency for being too dangerous.

    At dinner, you get what I call vertical food. An endless array of ridiculous ingredients all served on top of one another by a girl who is 12 years old and 12ft in diameter.

    Why can’t hotel chefs understand that if they didn’t train in Paris they shouldn’t attempt anything more adventurous than bangers and mash?

    And why is everyone unable to speak English? Either because they are from the moon, or because they are so young, they can’t actually speak at all.

    Oh, and here’s an idea. Instead of wasting time folding the bog roll into a neat little V, why not get the cleaning staff to have a go at the plumbing.

    As I went about my ablutions at one hotel last week, I noticed that some of the bacteria wandering about on the pipework was actually visible to the naked eye. One was even reading a newspaper.

    And while we’re on the subject of cleanliness, I don’t care about how unenvironmental it may be to wash the towels. And nor do you. Or you’d sell your hotel and open a nuclear-free fair trade organic fudge workshop instead. You’re just leaving everything dirty to save money.
    So there’s a tip. Wash the towels every day. And clean your bloody carpets once in a while.

    I spent about thirty seconds trying to get something that could reasonably be called a picture on my television last night and, after I gave up, I found I’d become glued by God knows what to the fibres.

    All I ever want to do in a British hotel is wash myself. But this is rarely possible because all the controls in the shower cubicle were put in place by someone who’s mad.

    Torture isn’t allowed under the Geneva Convention. But it is still practised on anyone in a British hotel bathroom.

    You either get a dribble of ice going over the partition and on to the bathroom floor or, if you nudge the tap by a millimetre, a torrent of what feels like liquid fire jetting into your face.

    I’m not suggesting for a moment that I want bowls of fresh flowers, scented bog water, a plasma telly and staff bent double by genuflection.

    I just want a comfy bed, clean walls, no bacteria, sausages, and someone on the front desk who can be arsed to ring me up in the morning.

    To understand what I’m on about, all British hotel managers should be sent to the Bell Hotel in Sandwich.

    It’s brilliant, but since I don’t want to take my family holiday in Kent, I’m taking the kids to Cambodia


    What hotel was it?

    I guess it’s down to the British hotel star grading system, which is very different to that in some other countries, especially those in the continental Europe or America.

    I believe you were just unlucky, next time make sure you read guests’ commets on some travel websites, such as

    There are also many decent hotels in the UK, most of them are modern. My rule of thumb: look for modern looking buildings if you are looking for a comfortable hotel, don’t look at the star rating… Most of the times it works just fine!


    [quote:69823cdeec]This is normal. Last week, I was charged Ł140 for a room and was then woken at 6.30 in the morning by staff holding what sounded like the vacuum cleaner grand prix in the corridor. [/quote]

    Sorry but If you paid 140 £ for a week, what did you expected. Cheapest Bed and Breakfast would cost you more.
    I spend lots of time in English hotels and I can tell you, for normal price it is difficult to find what you describe here. Yes sometimes it is happen th have old fashion facilities especially showers and sometimes is cold in rooms but apart of that (and a spiders) it is not so bad 🙂


    maybe you should send those advices to Mr Clarkson
    i knew i read it somewhere else 🙂

Wyświetlanych postów: 4 (wszystkich: 1)
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